Is forgiveness genuine when it has boundaries? (Gen 43:15-44:13)

I once heard a pastor discuss the prevalence of sexual abuse cases in the Church. He suggested that Christians are often soft targets for such offenders. In other words, it is not that religious people are somehow more prone to this kind of evil behaviour, but that the Church creates an environment where such people can thrive and not be caught or re-offend after being caught. Congregations often have a high-level of trust in their leadership and do not always put checks in place to ensure that abuses do not happen. Further, if an offender shows remorse, Christians may feel that forgiveness makes it necessary not to pursue the question before the law and to restore full trust in the person. Putting boundaries in place may seem like a signal that the person has not been completely forgiven or restored.

Questions of forgiveness and reconciliation

Although the story of Joseph’s brothers is different from the above example, there are points of connection in that it raises questions about the nature of forgiveness and reconciliation and the potential for re-offending. Thus, readers may feel unease about the way Joseph tests his brothers. Shouldn’t he just forgive? Isn’t it cruel to play with their emotions and frame them for a crime that they did not commit? From Joseph’s perspective, however, there are possibly two things at issue. One is the question whether the brothers have changed or will they at some point hurt Joseph’s little brother as they had hurt him? The other is the matter of reconciliation, which is impossible without genuine repentance and a truly changed attitude.

Guilt, generosity, and transformation

The picture that emerges reveals first the brothers’ deep guilt. Thus, their fear of what might happen to them in Joseph’s house echoes what they had done to Joseph (‘he may… fall upon us and take us for slaves’; Gen 43:18). Likewise, their offer to return the money found in their sack on the previous journey reveals their anxiety (Gen 43:19-21). They receive generosity – ultimately from God, as the steward attests (Gen 43:23) – but they fear punishment. The release of Simeon and the lavish hospitality at a banquet (Gen 43:24, 34) speaks of Joseph’s open-handedness towards all his brothers (he could have invited Benjamin alone). Later he will also return every brother’s money (Gen 44:1). This is not a man who still holds a grudge against them. He is especially gracious towards Benjamin (special blessing, extra portions; Gen 43:29, v.34), but if such favouritism is meant as a test and it is not just the overflowing of Joseph’s love, the brothers show no signs of jealousy. Yet, the real test of their attitude comes when Benjamin is accused of theft and taken back to Egypt to be enslaved (Gen 44:4, 10-12). Their dismay is expressed in tearing their clothes (a sign of grief and mourning) and they all return to a man with their little brother (Gen 44:13).

Forgiveness and boundaries

While Joseph’s methods here cannot be replicated in any meaningful sense, the point to note is that even before he is sure of his brothers, he is generous to them, which I believe, indicates his forgiveness of them. At the same time, he continues to keep boundaries in place and not give himself fully by revealing who he is. He needs some certainty that the brothers’ remorse is an expression of their changed attitude. To give a modern parallel of forgiveness and boundaries, Tim Keller described in an interview the example of a Christian woman who had a verbally abusive father. The woman forgave him and re-established contact by calling him once a week. However, she put boundaries in place and told him that every time he started to shout and abuse her over the phone, she would hang up and call next week. This is a helpful illustration of ongoing love for those who caused hurt but also of the necessity to protect ourselves (and sometimes others) from further hurt. May the Lord give us wisdom in various situations to work out these principles with love and integrity.

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