The challenge of forgiveness and reconciliation (2 Sam 14:21-33)

I once attended an academic conference on the question of forgiveness. Biblical scholars in Old and New Testament, as well as psychologists and counsellors all weighed in on what forgiveness means, why it matters, how it should be done, and so on. Some emphasised that forgiveness should be offered no matter what, while others argued for the importance of justice and suggested that forgiveness should only be granted when there is repentance. Yet others reasoned that forgiveness does not preclude exercising justice. Other questions further complicate matters. Forgiving someone who moved out of our lives is perhaps easier than living with a family member whose character has not changed and who has the capacity to inflict ongoing pain. Moreover, betrayal from a friend or loved one can be a more bitter experience than one from a mere acquaintance. Any way we look at it, forgiveness and reconciliation are a challenge.

David’s ambivalence

Following on from Joab’s manoeuvres for the recall of Absalom, David gives in (2 Sam 14:21). Perhaps his yearnings prompt him (2 Sam 13:39) or he heeds the Tekoan woman’s wisdom who hinted at further potential tragedy (2 Sam 14:13-14). Yet, emotions are fickle and by the time Absalom arrives, the king refuses to see him (2 Sam 14:24). David is in a tricky situation because he is not only a father who longs for his son, but a king who needs to do justice for the realm. In fact, throughout our reading, he is called ‘king’ hinting at the reason why he cannot let bygones be bygones. At the same time, his actions leave things in limbo. Absalom is neither acquitted and restored, nor entirely condemned and, not surprisingly, two years of such a situation leaves him embittered and angry (2 Sam 14:32). Once again, David as king is reluctant to do justice and while there is a formal reconciliation (2 Sam 14:33), it seems to be too little too late.

Absalom – arrogance and pathos

The window into Absalom’s character, however, also gives us pause. Handsome and highly praised, we get a glimpse of one reason why he became so popular (2 Sam 15:6), but it is also an ominous sign. Even Samuel was misled by an attractive appearance as he was looking to anoint Israel’s next king after Saul (1 Sam 16:7).[1] Absalom’s abundant hair (2 Sam 14:26) would have been seen by his contemporaries as a sign of vitality.[2] For readers, it also foreshadows the prince’s eventual death (2 Sam 18:9, 14). Given all the adulation he probably received, it would have been a miracle if he hadn’t become vain. Indeed, his impatience with Joab and the arrogance which he demonstrates in setting the general’s fields on fire to fetch him (2 Sam 14:29-30) speak of a man who is used to getting his way and will not brook opposition to his will. Yet, there is pathos in the naming of his daughter as Tamar (2 Sam 14:27). Reading it, we can appreciate his sincere attachment to his sister Tamar and the anger he must have felt over her tragedy.

Human forgiveness and God’s…

David’s story mirrors back to us the tensions and challenge of forgiveness and reconciliation. Absalom’s character is problematic, but David’s inability to settle the matter between himself and his son and heir contributes to the issue. Seeing how intricate a business forgiveness and true reconciliation is in human terms, we can appreciate the amazing quality of God’s forgiveness and His willingness to reconcile with us. How many times do we, as human beings, hurt and betray God, the Father, yet He does not go into a huff or vow never to have anything to do with us. Rather, He has the ultimate wisdom to know when we need to be disciplined or have boundaries set for us and in the final reckoning, His love led Him to send His Son to save us from ourselves. As we enter Advent and reflect on God’s overwhelming love, may we learn wisdom from Him how to handle our human relationships well.

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[1] Although outward appearance is not enough in itself, David himself was described as handsome in his younger days (1 Sam 16:12).

[2] His hair, cut once a year, would have weighed over 2 kg, though given the high number, it is possibly a hyperbole. Given that hair continues to grow for a little while even after a person is dead, it represented vitality and strength in ancient Hebrew thinking. Note the same connection made explicitly between Samson’s hair and his strength (Judg 16:17).

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