What kind of seeds do we sow? (2 Sam 13:1-19)

A friend whose husband was regularly abusive to her escaped him and was supported by her son as she was trying to build a new life on her own. However, when her husband died suddenly, her son as head of the family took on his father’s mantle and asserted the same autocratic and violent attitude towards her. Psychologists routinely point out this pattern and it is one tragically played out in King David’s own family. The chapter links back to David’s abuse of power by the word ‘after this’ (2 Sam 13:1) and it is notable that long before we get to Tamar’s name, we are alerted that she is Absalom’s sister. Absalom and Amnon, two half-brothers born to David from two different wives (2 Sam 5:2-3) surround Tamar in the sentence (v.1). Indeed, Tamar is only the trigger for the animosity and strife that will follow between the brothers, while she herself passes out of the narrative never to be mentioned again. Without belittling her tragedy, her suffering is part of the larger question in the narrative about what human beings do with power and the misuse of power that reverberates down the family line.

Comparison with David

The narrator draws our attention to the parallels with David, but the incident in our reading feels darker and more horrifying, not least because of the emotional details (love, hatred, despair) given compared to the absence of any mention of emotion in David’s adultery. In both, father and son are drawn to a beautiful woman with an obstacle in the way (one is married, another is a half-sister and virgin princess, who would have been well-guarded in the palace). Amnon’s path is the more devious, perhaps because he does not have the same level of power as his father. He lures Tamar into a situation where she could be overpowered by sheer physical strength (2 Sam 13:14). It is tragic that David, who earlier sent for Bathsheba (2 Sam 11:4), then for Uriah (2 Sam 11:6) and finally sent the latter off with his own death warrant (2 Sam 11:14), now unwittingly sends his daughter (2 Sam 13:7) to be raped. Yet it is symbolic in that David’s own actions sowed the seed for his son’s violence.

Amnon’s greater sin

Tamar’s impassioned reasoning characterises Amnon as particularly vile (note the piling on of such language as ‘violate’, ‘not done in Israel’, ‘disgraceful thing’, ‘reproach’, ‘like the fools in Israel’ meaning people here who do shameful things; 2 Sam 13:12-13). It is all the more shocking because there may have been a legitimate way of access to Tamar through marriage (v.13). Although taking a half-sister was incest and forbidden (Lev 18:9), it is unclear whether this was adhered to in David’s day. The story gives no indication that this is an issue. Thus, either Tamar is stalling here, or marriage would have been a genuine possibility. Amnon, however, wants to take her now and his subsequent behaviour suggests that he will not even try to make amends for what he had done. While David married Bathsheba and looked after her (2 Sam 11:27; 12:24), Amnon’s love turns to sudden hatred (2 Sam 13:15). The latter’s cold-blooded rejection of Tamar is despicable (2 Sam 13:16-18), all the more so as we witness her distress (2 Sam 13:19).[1]

The seeds we sow

As so often, the biblical story shows in extreme and dramatic form the truth that we can recognise in our own lives on a more mundane scale. Our actions and words affect others not only in our families but among friends, colleagues and even casual acquaintances. We do not always see the consequences as clearly as David will in due course, but our sins can harm others as well as rebound on us. As Galatians puts it, ‘Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life’ (Gal 6:7-8).

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[1] It is hard for us from our modern context to understand Tamar’s reasoning of not wanting to be sent away (2 Sam 13:16). She is likely expecting Amnon to regularise the relationship by marrying her (see Deut 22:28-29). We would think this a horrifying prospect because we tend to envisage a situation where a woman is regularly abused by a man and who would want to regularise such a relationship? However, the ancient laws did not envisage a sexual pervert but a situation where spur-of-the-moment lust takes over and a virgin is raped. Such a girl’s chance of marriage to another man would practically be nil (virginity was highly valued) and marriage is the default in that world, a woman’s gateway to status, economic stability and children. Deflowered, unmarried and barren are together the worst stigmas a woman could have in that world, a fate worse than death. This is difficult to appreciate today because virginity at marriage no longer holds its high value, women can earn money on their own and no longer marry to be provided for and there is no stigma attached to being unmarried. We also expect different things from marriage, namely emotional fulfilment rather than necessarily economic support or children.

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